I’ve had my fill of surveys

8:40am Saturday 29th November 2008

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THE thing about most surveys and questionnaires is that there is never a box that says, “Tick this if you believe we’ll never read it anyway” or a blank box with ‘other’ on the questions that have no suitable existing answer.

And so it was with the latest survey from City of York Council that was posted through my door; a booklet of questions, with an accompanying letter, telling me how nice it would be if I filled out the form to let them know what I thought of the services provided in my area.

They promised it would only take up 15 minutes of my time, so I thought I might as well do it while I watched kiddies weekend TV.

It started out simply enough with boxes ranging from very satisfied to very dissatisfied laid out for me to tick whichever one was most relevant.

That was until I got to the question about access to information, which asked something along the lines of: “In the event of a major emergency i.e. flood, human flu pandemic would you know what to do?”

That question alone took up the allotted 15 minutes.

Let’s be honest, the only reason the council is asking us is because it doesn’t have a clue what to do if the whole of York wakes up one Sunday to find itself transformed into the city of Atlantis. And as for a flu pandemic, I don’t know. How about we shout “Unclean, unclean” then run screaming from everyone with even the slightest whiff of a sniffle?

I believe the official Government advice is not to panic, so perhaps the screaming part isn’t viable.

Sadly this was one of those questions without a blank box in which to put my truthful response so I was left with no choice but to tick, ‘don’t know’, as I really don’t spend my spare time reading up on disaster management.

We progressed from that to rather more mundane issues such as transport and my view on the emergency services, thankfully only one of which I’ve had to use so far.

Somewhat surprisingly, they got a pretty high score, as I really couldn’t fault their service.

I’m sure I’ve filled out a very similar survey a while ago and, as far as I can remember, I don’t think I (or anyone else) was privy to the results. Maybe they were so diabolically bad that the council’s PR gurus couldn’t spin anything positive about them and the surveys ‘accidentally’ ended up in a shredder.

And that’s what I find so irritating about these official studies. The visible effects of their results are hard to see and those 15 minutes spent toiling over such quandaries as access to green space and availability of leisure facilities appear meaningless.

Another sort of survey which is popping up increasingly is the online questionnaire. One click on a site can spark a little box to action, generally asking if I have the time to tell the site operators what I think.

I understand market research is important, I’m aware of how it can help, but if my mouse does slide over to the “no thanks” button rest assured that it is my final decision. I don’t want to keep hitting the button while navigating through the site. Changing my mind may be a female prerogative but I don’t do a complete 180 turn every 30 seconds.

If our opinion is so valuable on such insignificant things, then why does it seem so irrelevant when it comes to matters such as the financial crisis facing us all?

Why couldn’t we have been canvassed on how the crisis is really affecting individuals instead of lumping us with overall stats and figures – I’d even have filled out an online one for that cause.

Furthermore, in the time it’s taken for the Government to leap, or perhaps more accurately stumble into action, all the results could probably have been analysed, recorded and shredded.

After taking the time to complete this column, would I say I am: a) Sitting with my best pen at the ready in anticipation of another questionnaire?

b) Apathetic about the whole carry on?

c) So hacked off, I’m holding a special survey burning bonfire?

d) Other?

I’ll leave the choice up to you.